Book in Hand

He sat at the booth alone.

Dressed in jeans and a faded greed polo,

he'd pushed the limits of the seams

on more occasions than just this meal. 

Readers perched, worn paperback in grip,

he mouthed the words as he gobbled them up.

He never saw the elderly couple entertained 

by their story-telling 50 year old son.

Nor the scores on the multiplicity of TVs.

Probably not the 3rd refill on his tea.

I didn't know whether to admire his focus

or feel sorry for him. All I know is that 

Story was a powerful influence for him and 

he sat at the booth alone.

Less

Am I deficient?
What do I bring?
Awkward clumsiness,
weakness, tiring easily.
What talent I offer
is bested by so many others.
Master of nothing.

Today, I feel less.
Less than enough.
Less than good.
Less talented.
Less skilled.
Less.

So, I offer you Less.
Inadequate Less.
Penitent Less.
Sorry Less.
Less.

Your words,
laughing water,
refresh me.
Dense, fresh bread,
they nourish.

I hope.
I cling to them.

View

Grass...

   as

 far

    as

I

see.

Percolate

I worry.

Too much.

When will I

allow

peace to rule

my thoughts

instead of

the squall?

Isn't that

just a

decision?

Or a

state of mind?

Insight

It's only a moment

when critical lines and movie

scenes conspire to give you

insight and connections

that aren't always present. Only

a moment when a revelation

that is related to a song lyric

and the two movies you saw

last week, and that line from

a book, mix in an alchemy

that is surprising, even shocking

to you and you savor that moment,

drinking it deeply, smiling, only to

see it slip like water through your fingers

until at last it is no more.

Yesterday's Tomorrow

What events unforseen

will occur today remain

unknown to me

or you and gain

prominent attention

when I pause too long

and deign to mention

them in a song.

No telling where they lead

but I assure you now

in word and deed

and solemn vow

with all my heart I pray,

God, spare me Dathan's foolish end 

for Salome's and Mary's way:

Death reversed, Life on lend.

Prey

Yesterday,

across some distance -

   a marsh

   a field

   a farm - 

too hard to see,

a red-tailed hawk

fought gusts

to glide in the broken

sun, aggressive.  Today, in light

rain, he sits on a lonely 

limb in a snag, feathers

roughed, still, patient.

I face the rain, chin up,

like I mean it, but

wonder which version

of the hawk I am 

today.

The Hull

When I've run myself into the ground

exhausted and hollow

I am the hull of an abandoned ship

battered by the relentless surf

rusting, creaking, pitted by salt spray

and sand, dilapidated, surrendered 

to driving rain and wind.

I seek refuge in

   a smile, a laugh

salvage and salve and sun.

Heart Attack

A tough guy

figured it all out

drowning though

middle of a drought

waste of time

missing overt facts

tunnel vision

riding the wrong tracks

a coronary problem

diagnosed in part

not easy to fix

this hardness of heart

sometimes bewildered

much more than obtuse

feel freedom again

release and turn loose.

Footing

Way out, on the edges of today

I find hope. But it's slippery,

like a 5:00 am cutthroat trout

on that first bend in the river

before sun up. Even getting

to it is not easy:

Hard to see

Watch for rocks

So, a simple coffee with friends

helps me see it, find it, rest in it,

until I know once again that

the smiles, laughs, connections, tears

all give me grip on the hope

and that hanging on to it,

dripping and dangling on the line,

is a whole lot easier with sure footing.

Options

What can I do?

To not understand

To not care

To not 

Not options

Yet they form

the core of my troubles.

Plagued by insensitivity,

am I doomed to wander 

stupid

indifferent?

Not options

Ghosts

I've never seen you,

though you've been blamed 

for consequences from the past.

Labeled:

Collateral damage,

 skeletons hiding in closets, 

genes of ancestors possessing, inhabiting

and influencing actions, genes, events

a specter come to torment.

Where are the ghosts of my future?

They don't even make honorable mention.

I'm sure some action I take now 

will influence it. Why isn't that a ghost?

And what of now? What haunts it?

Charles Dickens had 

more to say than I

who simply wonder why

that "ghost" is reserved for history.

It remains to me a mystery.

Nine Knives

Sharp and handy

a four inch dandy

blades with holes

waterproof, rustproof

strong enough to hammer,

fixed or locking

model after model

can give you stitches

slice open a box,

   a package

   a finger

   a fish

pick locks

garner an escort 

out of Disneyland

too many blades to track

all the traits

too many blades to chose

which to take

Can't see which has cred?

Maybe you should carry

a flashlight instead.

Hospital

The miracle of this modern place,

its glass and keen architecture

reaching skyward, a stunning reminder

of all that we pour into finding healing and hope.

Yet grounded without answers or solutions,

barely coping with too many questions

and round the clock vigils, we rely on prayers,

and touches and tears with friends and family -

like shadows of our hope come to life,

waltzing us about until the song ends,

and they have to retreat to their own lives.

Joy

Six

A meal,

stories,

always better

all together.

Two

We rant,

we tear up,

we smile,

feeling better 

we're together.

Threads of Life

Threads of life 

hold us together:

a round table

warm coffee

deep empathy

joy in suffering

Notes 2 & 3

2 notes 

strung together

in series.

In the middle of job questions

and potential health problems

and good advice from a friend 

that God plans to help me 

and not harm me --

in the middle of this --

these two notes,

in series,

two notes in a scale

(the untold potential

of improvised accompaniment),

bring a smile,

a joy;

they are the 

hope that believing 

is much more than 

seeing.

Mired In Me

What good does it do

to be mired in me? Quicksand

and sticky goo, that, pulling

and making futile all movement

until, too late, the hopelessness

dawns and the only thing I can

see is that any solution has

absolutely nothing to do with me.

Eating on a Marshmallow

Seats at a restaurant. They felt like marshmallows.

Twice today I was reduced to tears for someone in dire need.

Maybe it isn't all about food.

Forgiveness - tough concept to follow through on. 

Relationships are definitely more important than food.

Laughing is good. Really good.

So is ice cream.

I love maps.

Hero

Holding the trash can for stability,

he hung his head.

Wanted to cry,

but wouldn't.

Flew successful missions over 

England in 44. Now he 

couldn't stand long enough

to mow. How long since he

could? Didn't know.

His friend mowed the grass

for him, the smell so

pungent it was almost a taste.

He'd finish in the dark

load the mower in his truck

take off with a handshake

and a smile.

He was the hero now. Easing

himself to the brick planter

to sit, he smiled.

Without You

without you
i am little more 
than lonely
at best

without you
my joy shrivels 
dry crackling
leaves of ivy 
in a pot
neglected

without you
i trudge 
dragging
discouraged

now i see
though i've known
all along 
i am incomplete
without you

What Must I Do?

What must I do

in the scheme of things,

to satisfy my hopes

and the dream of things?

Stories yet untold,

slowly unfold - 

like the web-like

crisscross of an old 

paper map - 

taking me and my dreams

and my hopes on adventures

far more bold

far more discernible

than what is real.

Your Return

Joy
radiates
once 
again.

A Song

Managing stress is easier 

with a song, a hope 

and a smile.

I tried it the other way -

and I found that of the 

two roads diverging,

the one bright and cheery

trumped the ill-tempered 

victim's road.

"Whoa is me," isn't half 

the refrain of "Let me

make you smile."

How fun to see you 

laugh! Contagious,

of course. Twice the fun

of bemoaning my poor 

condition. And perhaps,

just perhaps, it all began

because of a silly little song

in the blinding 5:00 AM light 

of the kitchen. Hummed, sung

under my breath. 

It made all the difference.